Secrets Forgiven
by Max and Fern 4ever
Summary: Post-ep Internal Affairs/Cancel Christmas Deeks knows he has to tell Kensi what happened. But Hetty's warning is still swirling in his mind. Can he find the courage to share such a dark secret with the one person he trusts?


The mission was quiet bathed in the glow of the evening setting sun. Marty Deeks was sitting on the stairs taking in the quiet. His mind was in full on blender mode, much like it was after he was tortured, only this time, his thoughts centered on Kensi.

 _Your smile is so perfect; I'm just trying to make this work; the thing that got me through, was you; partners don't keep secrets…_

"You could have lost all of this". He was surprised that he said it out loud. Was startled when Hetty asked him who he was talking about. Was rattled to his core, at her parting words, "secrets are easier to keep, when you have no one to share them with". What had he done? More importantly what was he going to do? As he got up from the steps, his phone buzzed, a text from Kensi, "where are you?" She knew he was tired. He asked if they could just meet at her place. He just wanted a shower and sleep, he wanted to feel her next to him. He needed to not think but he had so much to think about, but he needed HER.

Deeks woke up the next morning, feeling better. He was in her bed, she was cuddled up to him and he knew what he had to do. As their alarms went off, she stirred, rolled over to face him and just looked into his eyes. There was a look, he could not quite read. He saw the love, but something else. He wanted to ask, but his emotional state was still raw from the past few days. He needed to get himself grounded again. Hopefully work and the holidays and their anniversary would get him to where he needed to be.

He told Kensi he would meet her at work, he needed to stop by his place to check on his Mom and Monty. As he walked into his house, he was greeted by his old friend, his movements not as spry as they once were, but that tail still packed a whallop. "Are you ok?" he heard his Mom ask. Roberta was worried, she hated seeing him in the holding cell. "Yeah Mama, I'm good. Just need to change for work, and wanted to make sure you were ok." She could see he looked tired but wasn't going to press. She knew Kensi would take care of him. She was so happy that he had someone in his life like her. She felt less guilty about leaving to go home. She would call him later about Christmas dinner, it will be nice to cook for both of them this year. Marty gave his mom a hug, a promise to call and a heartfelt thanks and "love you" for being there for him and Kensi. He left and headed to the mission.

Cases came and went, the team was getting back into their normal groove and the holidays were fast approaching. 2 days before Christmas found Kensi and Deeks on the phone with their Moms trying to convince them to have Christmas dinner at one of the best restaurants in LA. Both failed miserably. It seems both moms had definitely plans for their child and their plus 1 and neither was willing to budge. Kensi thought she had a good solution suggesting both moms share the cooking, but apparently, Mama Deeks does not share well with kitchen duties. Kensi almost choked when her boyfriend suggested eloping! She swears he says things to get a rise out of her like the early days of their partnership. Payback will be bitch. She just needs to wait for the right moment.

Kensi and Deeks went to search for "clues and stuff" in Montrose. Kensi checked the toy store, while Deeks checked out the lovely Mrs Claus standing by the red kettle. Kensi accusing him of perving while she was working, got a smirk out of her partner. He then recounted about several tourists passing by taking selfies and that several tour buses had gone up and down the street. The Wonder Twins should be able to scrub some pictures from social media. As for that costume, Deeks may have suggested that his Ladybird could rock that outfit with the best of them. Kensi of course called him on his sexism at which point Deeks offered to wear the naughty outfit. Kensi seized her payback opportunity suggesting to him that she had a thing about "a sexy Mr. Claus". Deeks offered everything he could think of make that dream a reality. "Oh Girl!"

Kensi could tell he was still bothered about the whole Internal Affairs situation. She decided not push him. Deeks was finally getting back to his old self and with the holidays she just wanted peace and quiet for them both. It had been quite a year. She thought asking for a baby tiger, would be funny, get him going. But he didn't quite rise to the bait. Kensi also hoped that he would tell her what happened. The pieces came together in her mind, but until he confirmed her suspicions she couldn't be sure. She was going to keep loving him until he felt safe enough to tell her. "More being, less doing."

Deeks got off the phone with a very hyper Eric. He and Kensi were staking out the toy store. Kensi took advantage of their time stuck in the car to find out what her boyfriend wanted most for Christmas. She was not prepared for his answer – "Forgiveness". "For what?" she asked. "For not telling you something, I should have told you a long time ago." 'Oh my God', she thought, could this be what she was waiting for? Kensi needed to be as patient as possible and not scare him. Marty took his earwig out, she did the same. He took a deep breath, quietly praying to whoever would listen that this would go ok.

Marty, told Kensi that he had killed Boyle. That he wanted to protect her, NCIS and that he did it to protect Tiffany. Deeks held his breath, the moment of truth. What happened next was nothing short of a Christmas miracle as Kensi, confirmed what her suspicions were. Deeks let out a breath that he was sure he had been holding since he first told Kensi about what he "thought" were his ideas as to why IA was coming after him. How could she just forgive him? He just stared at her. Never had anyone showed such love and trust as Kensi did towards him. All Deeks could do was to tell her how much he loved her at that very moment. Kensi sensing how overwhelmed he was, suggested he could use that as motivation for her Christmas gift. That was the break Marty needed to clear his head and get back to the case. That and the fraction of kiss Kensi gave him that he had every intention of collecting the balance of when they got home.

Home! He was going home with Kensi and they would celebrate the holidays, their anniversary and start the new year with no secrets between them. The holidays lights were dim compared to sparkle Kensi saw in Deeks eyes now that he was cleared and they were together. All was forgiven. No more secrets.


End file.
